tears that fall

we are asked to make a profile video about ourselves for the IT class.it's like what normal new students do,to introduce ourselves to the whole class.but rather than talking,it is in a form of a video.and so i did,with all my effort..not that much of an effort because i have a software that help me to organize the photos that i'm gonna use for my video.my video is more like a picture slide of myself,family and friends.

i've stayed in this campus for almost 2 month without returning back home even for a day.my home is a million miles away,so it's not logical to went back just for the weekends.throughout the days i'm here,i am deeply,most sincere in my heart missing all of my friends and especially my dearest classmates of matriculation college,SM1K2P1.i've never thought of being or feeling so attach to each and everyone of them.it's like i've known them forever although the truth is i've only known them for less than a year.

and so the video has finish and yesterday i had showed it to the whole class.at first it was nothing,but when the video had ended,i felt something that i've never in my life had ever feel before.a feeling of sadness.a feeling that i've lost them,my dearest classmates,that i will never gonna meet them in the future.but i ignore that feeling and continue my day normally.

it have been a routine for me,Awi and Haziq to go to the library..more specifically the television section every night to revise our lesson.and yesterday,while we're at it,there's a frickin' rat storming from underneath one of the couch to another.luckily we're all survived that tragedy.then the library is closing,so we went back to our hostels.but as i walk to my hostel,that feeling that i've felt earlier grip me to the bones.i manage to,again ignore that feeling.

i arrived at my room,getting ready for sleep.i lie down on my bed,and instantly that feeling reign over me.i just can't help it.i listen to songs to help me ignore it.but i failed.the feeling of sadness and longing is overwhelming.tears fall on my cheek.i take a deep breath to resist but yet again i failed.i storm out of my room,descend to the ground floor and head straight to a little gazebo beside the hostel.

alone,in the dark, i cried.i cried like i've never cried before.i cried as if i've lost my friends forever.it is really confusing for me to cry like that with no apparent reason.i text Awi,and she called.i cried on the phone telling her that i don't understand why am i crying.she said that maybe i am too homesick.but the whole time i was crying,it's not my parents that i think of,it's my college's classmates.which is very weird.do i really misses them that much?i guess i do.

to my dearest SM1K2P1 and all of my friends,please know that i am the kind of person that just immensely love each and everyone of you.i miss all the time i had during matriculation.the fun and joy that we had together.i didn't feel that same joy here in university as i did with you guys.i wish all the best in whatever field that you're pursuing.i'm gonna miss all of you now and forever.

my profile video

this video was entirely made by me but not for fun.i made it because my entire class are needed to make a video about ourselves.it's like rather than go to the front of class and introduce ourselves but in a video version.

so of course my video contain a little something about my family,friends and self.my journey of life from primary school,sk desa pandan,secondary school,smk cochrane perkasa and my lovely,most loving and cherish,selangor matriculation college..shout out to my ex-classmates SM1K2P1! love you guys to death!

uitm perlis

i am reluctantly step inside the registration room at my hostel,Cengal 3.and that was a week ago.and then there was the orientation week.it was fine,nothing much,not many ragging and none bullying,the only fun part was the aerobic exercise.we dance oppa gangnam style.we watched shadow play and theater played by the students,both of which my first time ever experience.

but honestly,i don't feel belong or yet comfortable here.it felt so different.i feel so awkward because i felt like the only one who is clueless of what's going on around because this campus are filled with diploma seniors.maybe after a month i will be able to except this new study environment because this is definitely out of my city boy comfort zone.there's no shopping complexes or cinemas around.not even mc donald.this is village.i guess i need to just suck all this up and just move on in this weird place.

but luckily i am not alone.Shamira,my friend from secondary school and Awi,both of which from the same matriculation college as i am is here also.plus,my primary school friend,Huda was here a year earlier as a diploma student.also,Faiz and Farid,my matriculation friends is in the neighborhood's university,unimap.i am not all alone here at least.

the ceremony to officially make us as the new degree students is some kind shocking and very technological (what am i saying?).the uitm web tv stream live from the main campus in Shah Alam.it was like the whole uitm students all around Malaysia was in the same hall.and the gimmick is quite good although predictable.

during the ceremony

but i miss matriculation life.i miss my friends.i miss the environment.last night i dream of Afiq,my matriculation roommate.miss him so much!

i guess i have to just continue living my life here and try to fit in.i felt like crying remembering the memories,viewing the pictures of my friends and classmates back in matriculation.if i could turn back time and lengthen it,i would.no doubt.

me while writing this post

  

  

the last salam

i ended my night shift around eight yesterday which was an hour late because of some reasons.i said goodbye to my colleague and started walking back home through the peaceful,breezy morning of my neighborhood.the weather seems happy.it was a bright and sunny day.as i stroll down the lane,holding a plastic bag containing a lunch box of last night's sahur meal,i saw a group of chinese lady's performing their tai chi,a dog digging a hole in the ground for some reason and some people exercising their way to a healthy life all happen in the playground.such a beautiful sight,such a lovely community.

as i reach home,i saw a friendly neighbor of mine watering her flowers on her lawn.a gentle women with her hijab down to her waist.our house are bordered by only one other house.a lady which i haven't spoke to for a long time.mainly because i was away for almost a year,studying in a matriculation college.when i was younger,she used to teach me to recite the al-Quran.what a lovely memory.so i greeted her.we chat for a while.she asked me where will i be heading for the next phase of my life.it will be the UiTM that i've got offered earlier this month.she congratulated me,and i thanked her.feeling a bit tired because of not sleeping for a whole night,i decided to return home and i ended our conversation with a simple salam.

i ended my night shift around nine this time around because i had to take an overtime for some reasons.i said goodbye to my colleague and started walking back home through a pretty hot morning of my neighborhood.it was too bright and too sunny.probably because it's already closing to noon.the script of my journey home had been altered a little.no activity in the playground as i expected because the day is getting hotter.as i approach home,i saw my neighbors gather in front of my house.i felt a bit worried because it seems like it's not a happy gathering.as i getting nearer,the crowd started leaving the scene.as i glad it's not my house they were at,i felt even more worried as it was actually the lady's house.my dad come to me and whisper the bad news.

i never thought yesterday's little chat was the last.but i'm glad i stopped and have that chat.and i also glad it is a day in the holy ramadhan month.a perfect day that everyone will envy to blow their last breath.and she did.she deserve this day.alhamdulillah

same self

as time goes by,as the year changes,as we age,we must admit that we are one step forward towards maturity.maturity in my definition can be best describe as being able to think and decide in anything that you face thoroughly in the best way you could to benefit yourself and other people around you that may be affected by that decision.

i don't know about others but i don't think i will ever be a mature person,until when i need to of course.i don't know why but sometimes i just can't help it but to make a fool of myself.for example,last year my late grandmother past away in my house because she's not well enough to take care of herself.and my whole family was so sad.but her time has come,no one can change that.i still misses her until today.and at her funeral,i remember it was a very sunny day.after the burial had done my aunt hand me an umbrella to hold for the imam to shade him.and so i open the umbrella upward because there are people all around but i didn't look up because it was just too shiny.i just push the umbrella open and i did wonder why is it taking so long?perhaps because it is long.and then 'puff'.the umbrella opened inversely.can you image the state of that umbrella?it was opened upward.and i was like..damn..why here?why now? and then slowly i pun the the umbrella down like an innocent person and just sit there quietly.and then after we got home my aunt decided to tell that incident and everyone burst into laughter.

yeah.i'm a clown inside.i will always be.even in the most inappropriate times.it's just in my nature.but in the bright side,everyone felt less sad about my grandmother's death.more or less,it did cure our feeling.

so i guess what i'm trying to say is that it is alright to be yourself.b

e the personality that is already in your dna.do not ever change if someone else say different.if people ask you to change ask them to change themselves first.change to accept,not object.you will most absolute regret if you didn't be who you are.be truth to yourself.you can't lie to yourself,it's like denying you have a soul.

i just turned 19 today and i pray for the same me for years to come :)

repeated history

it's been almost two weeks since i started my first ever job at a 7-eleven store near my home.the working environment is kinda fun and none stressful.all the staff is really nice and i feel relatively close to them.

long story short,last two days there's this one guy,one of the staff member which one year younger than me cause a havoc within our staff members.he was suppose to work at night shift which he did came.but an hour and a half after that he just walk out the store leaving behind all his stuff and his motorcycle.he did that after his girlfriend which also one of our staff member just went home after the end of the noon shift.and i was also worked at the noon shift that day.but i went home earlier than her.

no obvious reason for his action cause he never contact any of us even the boss.except for his girlfriend of course.and a rumor says that one of the few reason is me.in reference to the rumor,he get jealous of me being close to that girl,which is by the way the same age as him.i'm just being me,a nice person trying to be a decent friend to everyone.maybe he thought differently or maybe he's just an overly control boyfriend.

a similar situation i've encountered during high school but the only different is i never knew the boyfriend.one day,the boyfriend saw me and my friend which is his girlfriend walking together.i've known her since standard one.i consider her as one of my closest friend so,in my point of view,he's just being ridiculous to be jealous of me.and at the of the day,they broke up.what do you think that make me feel?a relationship wrecker?

but for this current situation,the boy and the girl is still a couple.except that i think that the boy will never come back to store cause a recent rumor i've heard is that he already found a job nearby.after all,i think they're gonna get married.a rather interesting story of how they met each other.the boy's mother ask the girl to work at the store cause i think the mother like the girl and would like them to be together.it is supported strongly by an incident occur at the store a couple of days before the boy started this drama which i don't think i should tell.cause it involve the mother.oops

in my opinion,this kind of dude really does not own self-esteem.he's not confident of himself that their relationship gonna last long and he do not trust his girlfriend to be around with other guys.i just think you're a loser.really,i thought we're friends.you are the first person i met and the first friend that i make the first time i set foot inside that store as a worker.this whole situation really upsetting me.a none proud history of mine repeated itself.

just a holy fool

i have problems.everybody have their own problems.but i only care about mine.sometimes i hate.sometimes i love.that is what we call feeling.which some people don't have.we need to let all that hatred,the negative feelings out.cause it is not healthy to keep it to your own and not express it.mad when you hate.cry when you sad.laugh when you're happy.it's human nature.if you keep that negative feelings in,it will only do damage to yourself.that feeling will become a virus that will consume you from the inside.it will act as a dark seed within and it will become a plant that will spread a negative spore and spread to your whole body.and when it does you will explode.

and that is why i think that it is important for everyone to have their own medium to let these expression out.it can be a diary,a best friend and sometimes even the gym.but for me,my medium is tumblr.i express all my feelings there (negative feelings mainly).i think it's okay cause right now,i only have 2 followers.and i do it publicly cause i want that particular person that i'm referring to might someday,somehow read it.

my tumblr :   http://faizhamizan.tumblr.com/

last class day

6 April 2012 marks the end of class for matriculation students all over the country.the following week was the study week..a period for us,students to prepare ourselves for the finals.

my roommates.afiq,shaun and me

we didn't learn a lot that day cause all the students and lectures felt it is best to use that time to look back what we've through together as a community.during lecture,sir Bad decided to give the opportunity to any students who would like give a speech about their experience during their time in kms.volunteer from my class is Mike.i still remember when sir asked him who is his best friend in the lecture hall,Mike pointed out me and Shaun.i felt so touched.thanks Mike..best friends forever ;)

Mike during his little speech

after that we took some photos with our lecture members.i have some pretty darn close friends between my lecture mates.  

with sir Bad,our physics lecture

me and ainil

me and farid

after all that drama,my whole class members decided to skip the last class.miss Zarina was absent that day..like always.together we march towards the administration building to meet all our favorite lecturers and took some pictures together because it is unlikely for us to be able to meet them after that..unless if you meet them during the study week to ask questions..i did

which one's the teacher? have a guess.if you ever find her,she's our biology lecture,miss maya 

with sir yusfi.you know him from the previous post

with our mentor,sir wahidi

with sir kamal

looking at those pictures,remembering all those memories that we've made together make me feel really lucky to have such wonderful friends and teachers.i've no regrets of making the decision to study in kms.

"Don't be dismayed at goodbyes.A farewell is before you can meet again.And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends"-Richard Bach

   

crazy class sport

it all started with a suggestion.and that suggestion comes in action.voila! a stupid yet fun activity my whole class did.and that suggestion is,every class member of SM1K2P1 need to be at the college field at 5.30 pm sharp cause we'll have a little fun together before the end of matriculation.and of course the girls arrived at 6 (if you guys reading this..it's true.don't try to argue)

at first we had nothing in mind what're we gonna play.then le wild suggestion arise from Faiz."let's play turn and run".it's basically a form of running game but we need to turn till dizzy and then run for the finish line.i suck at it.i can't even move from the starting line.it's a haywire to see everyone running like they make they own path on the track.it's a hilarious moment to think back.

that was an epic pile up

 and then we played simon says.we need to do all that stupid act when asked to without question.quite fun

and then comes the real fun.we played the old time favorite chicks and eagle (<---direct translation there).in case you don't know..a person need to be the mother hen to protect it's chicks from the eagle.Thilip is the eagle and a very good job to our mommy Zahra protecting us.

thilip the eagle and zahra the mommy hen :)

and then we played the most tiring game ever! ice and water.two person,which is Yun shi and Afiq is the ice while the rest of us the water,scattered around,running away from being catch by them and turned into an ice.in order to save our fallen water..other water need to touch them to err..melt them? we are like a bunch of little kid screaming and running on the track like nobody business.

run baby run

shaun's about to get iced

ainnur

the ices.yun shi and afiq

note this.we did this on the track in the evening while other people watch us go nuts.it's crazy! where did our dignity go? it is an evening full of fun and joy notwithstanding.we felt like siblings 

LOTS OF LOVE SM1K2P1

  

kms 24/7

one day my friend,Mike ask me to join his group to participate in the funny video challenge organized by the science computer's unit.so i said yes.we actually did the video and it turns out to be real funny.we should have won the award but we didn't.why? cause the video got banned.there's a part of it that is a bit offensive apparently..and staring me.

the video is about a life of a typical kms (selangor matriculation college) student.if none of any of the situation you have not gone through..you are not a true kms-ian.enjoy the vid :)

  

jump

so like any other days..me and a few of my friends will go the field and play some sport in the evening.we played soft ball,tennis, squash or even just shoot some hoops.but this time,after we had our tiring sport..we decided to take some pictures.and it turn out to be real nice.just thought to share it with you guys my lovely readers :)

najwa,ain,me and suhaila

me and awi

that's fiqrie and me

happy place

maybe some of my friends realize this..but,dancing is my passion.that's why i chose to be in the fitness club.i actually dance a lot.immaturely of course.whenever i'm bored,i just dance.and sometimes i dance cause i just want to.sometimes i got caught dancing alone in my room at the college by my roommate Shaun..and sometimes Afiq..but 'blur' written all over his face.he's like 'my roommate is spinning around the room and then suddenly stop when i come in..that is absolutely normal' (figuratively speaking of course) or perhaps he's just don't care.

but Shaun know it's true..and sometimes we even dance together in the room.such sweet memories.and..(i'm gonna embarrass myself) i know all the dance steps from Lady Gaga's songs.am i gonna regret telling this?maybe.i learnt it from a youtuber,danceislife9

but you've got to admit that dancing is so much fun.the easiest way to let out your stress and have fun.but i'm sure every one have their own way to de-stress yourselves.some of you might draw or go for a jog and anything.i think it is important to know the activity that makes you happy,that you know you're in a happy place when you do it.cause when you do,all that trouble around you will fall into the right places cause your mind is at ease and you can decide what's best clearly.  

and sometimes,i blow bubbles :)

or take a picture

or sleep

or listen to songs

beach

now we move to the second semester of matriculation.no more fun and games! study hard! study serious! but before all that..lets go to the beach :D

me and a few of my friends decided to go to the beach near to the college,Kelanang.it's a very perfect day for beach-ing. the sun glare glamorously,the wind blows fabulously,the sea..scared of us apparently.it's like five miles away from the beach! geology said it's the low tide,i said it scares of us! (geology?or is it geometry?geography maybe?what ever..it's the science of earth) 

nothing much can be done there,we just sit on the beach..eating some ice cream and enjoy the view.plus we didn't bring our swimming trunk (what is there to swim at all..duh).and then we had our dinner.we ordered some very delicious stuff.there's this one food that i had for the first time in my life..de.li.cious! i've no idea what's it called..my friend,Faiz ordered it.

faiz

and then the real trouble comes.we're at the end of the world,waiting for a cab that's impossibly to come.it's the prime hour..people went back from work,other students went back from outing..all the cabs are at the city.it's a miracle to find at least one cab pass by.we called all the taxi that we know like crazy..me at least cause i wanna go home on the following week!we need to get back to the college before the curfew at seven  or we'll get a cross and get grounded for a week which means go home no no!

we stood there at the taxi stand for like two hours..maybe more.then,we got ourselves a taxi and went back.the driver is so nice to let us ride although he already have a passenger.how to overcome the overcrowd?i don't wanna talk about it.it's embarrassing.by the time we reached back to college,it's already half an hour pass seven.we got a cross

me,harith and rusyaidi

i've no idea which is which

rusyaidi

fiqrie and me

so,the next day me and Fiqrie decided to go to the student affair and appeal to cancel the cross.and then sir Azra said "you are very lucky cause actually we had a little problem with the system yesterday noon and all the data had been cleared..it's like you never even went out" YEAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   

KAKOM

and then comes the semester break.but technically,i don't have that break cause i joined KAKOM.basically it's an annual sports week for matriculation.every athlete from matriculation all over Malaysia gather at a host college every year for a whole week.and this year,my beloved Selangor Matriculation College have the honor of being the host.do you remember 'harry potter and the goblet of fire' where three champions from three school compete with each other to pursue eternal glory? this is nothing like that.we don't have death defying games..and nobody die.  

i'm not an athlete if you wonder.i joined it cause i'm in the choir club and we need to perform during the game.the singing part is fine for me,but the make up is just too much.they want us to be as white as snow white i think.they powder us heavily and some lipstick.my lips have never felt so sticky.but the dancers make up is much more vibrant than us.with all that rosy blusher,painted side burns and that heavy mascara.i couldn't different out the boys and the girls if they only wear t-shirt and jeans.i wonder how they wash it off.

that is shaun,my roommate beside me 

it is the best week i've ever had throughout the year.it's like the olympic where suddenly you become proud to be a part of your college,cheer for them,hope for the best and perhaps win the game.it's an amazing sight to see my college full with people from different backgrounds and colleges and we all are placed in the same place.i'm just out of words to describe it.trust me,it's massive! it's like a mini Sea Games.

a lot of sports are being held throughout that beautifully hot week.yes..the weather is tormenting.everyone got sun burned and i even got sick two days before the game end.some of that sport are badminton,squash,tennis and many others.you name it.and most of it are won by our cousin from Labuan Matriculation.they are what they are 'simply the best'.every morning i woke up with their voice singing their college song proudly cause every morning they gather at the terrain beside my room.

but the night that i love the most is the traditional dance night.it is so amazing to see different style of dances and those beautiful costumes.and there is this one group that just scares me.their dance is like they calling a spirit of some sort.and after they've step down from the stage,a dancer got possessed..seriously! i don't know what happened to her though.

watching the dance.sorry for the over exposure of light.that's me,awi and ayu

with one of the mascot.where are you from again kitty? that's me,fasihah,suhaniz,herny,ayu,azmira and idin

hang out at the night market..inside the college compound! 

end of KAKOM.that's dzul,athirah and me

although my college doesn't listed as the top five,but i'm still proud of you guys! you've done your best and that's all what matters.

and then that 'feeling' sparked in my heart..

    

  

canopus

proud to say i capture and edit straight from my phone :)

as i've mention on the previous post,my hostel block back in college are called Canopus.the first time i step my foot in this block,the first thing that comes into my mind is..what's wrong with the numbering of the rooms?once i tried to understand how they number the rooms,i decided to just walk around my floor.at first i kinda understand how it goes,but when it comes to the middle wing,it gets weird.i think the number stops at number 24 on that wing.but when i turn to the other wing,i couldn't find 25 (that numbers are just guests.i can't remember the exact number).

taken from my room 

oh!did i mention that my block is the most misbehave block in the college.why? lets list them down :

1. the most common misbehavior act by any student is playing the fire extinguisher.all of it on every floor are empty (according to the felos <the lectures that live on the blocks are called felo> or maybe they just exaggerate things).one day you can see the pavement filled with yellow dust and the other day the wash room become the dust room.pity the cleaners.

2. the emergency route stickers are peeled off and you can find them pointing towards not a very clever route for emergencies.some of it pointing into a room,the toilet and even funnier i found a sticker in the toilet pointing inside a toilet bowl.canopus are filled with a bunch of comedian.

3. i don't even want to comment about the cigarettes.it's everywhere

4. one of the window of one of the room at the ground floor have a hole on it.looks like someone punch it.which a very stupid act cause there are drops of blood on the floor.

5. over half of the room doors are either broken or the door knob malfunction or both.

6. the most severe problem that my fellow block mates manage to achieve is they broke into the server room inside the computer room.i don't know what they've steal (more like don't care)

and as a punishment, everyone need to buy the block's t-shirt..which is very cute though.rm5 from the price is for the payment of all that wreck.

but our felo still love us.we actually need to wear that t-shirt for a game organized by them.we love you back dear felos :)   

they say that represent the emergency route sticker

and this represent the fire extinguisher