random blubber

wow how long has it been since my last post?a year?maybe.sorry for not blogging.i've been busy with classes and exams;but mainly cause i haven't been bored.but now i am,bored.so lets blogging.

it has already been 4 days since my last paper of the final exam for the first semester,and yeah,i'm done for this semester.gonna have to just wait and pray for the best;my result that is.hope to be a dean list student;oh dear god please dean list be mine!

anyway,it has been a pretty,but not memorable semester.new environment (suburb),new friends (bitch *sorry.love ya anyway) and culture..seriously!i mean,it's not that i'm trying to be dishonest,but i really felt like a hypocrite the whole time.it's not the real me walking around campus.mainly because of the environment that i had to live in.i can't be a crazy doodly me around my classmates,not yet at least;and i don't think not ever with the boys.they are saints.which is good to me;i guess;to rejoice my soul *what?

differ from matriculation college times,i hang out with good for nothing,wrong,wrong in attitudes,and bitches (all of which just figurative speaking *Farid,you're the bitch) but in the university,i hang with pious boys.everytime i enter their room,they will be playing games with the sura playing at the background.and i will get free religious lecture,every night.and honestly,in the deep of my heart,i kinda like it.it makes me feel more calm.no yoga needed.but i guess this activity has ended.they'll be living in a house rental while i'll still be living at the college,next semester.

i just love the nature Perlis offer.the past weeks,Perlis shine bright like a diamond,warm, cozy and nice with wind blows as strong as the tornado.just fell in love.but hate the dialect.

my roommates are two science computer weirdos.a Johorean with no sense of social life;except facebook and twitter;apple product freak;but good-hearted though.and a Kelantanese;i can't understand anything that he speaks.both of which only sleep after the sun shines but they are kind and livable with;one semester only!

my classmates are wonderful.we aren't that really close yet but i have feelings that we will be as close as families sooner or later.just hope those conflicts that arise between some of them can be settle.

i guess that's all for now.my boredom writing.i hope you all readers as bored as i am.thank you 

tears that fall

we are asked to make a profile video about ourselves for the IT class.it's like what normal new students do,to introduce ourselves to the whole class.but rather than talking,it is in a form of a video.and so i did,with all my effort..not that much of an effort because i have a software that help me to organize the photos that i'm gonna use for my video.my video is more like a picture slide of myself,family and friends.

i've stayed in this campus for almost 2 month without returning back home even for a day.my home is a million miles away,so it's not logical to went back just for the weekends.throughout the days i'm here,i am deeply,most sincere in my heart missing all of my friends and especially my dearest classmates of matriculation college,SM1K2P1.i've never thought of being or feeling so attach to each and everyone of them.it's like i've known them forever although the truth is i've only known them for less than a year.

and so the video has finish and yesterday i had showed it to the whole class.at first it was nothing,but when the video had ended,i felt something that i've never in my life had ever feel before.a feeling of sadness.a feeling that i've lost them,my dearest classmates,that i will never gonna meet them in the future.but i ignore that feeling and continue my day normally.

it have been a routine for me,Awi and Haziq to go to the library..more specifically the television section every night to revise our lesson.and yesterday,while we're at it,there's a frickin' rat storming from underneath one of the couch to another.luckily we're all survived that tragedy.then the library is closing,so we went back to our hostels.but as i walk to my hostel,that feeling that i've felt earlier grip me to the bones.i manage to,again ignore that feeling.

i arrived at my room,getting ready for sleep.i lie down on my bed,and instantly that feeling reign over me.i just can't help it.i listen to songs to help me ignore it.but i failed.the feeling of sadness and longing is overwhelming.tears fall on my cheek.i take a deep breath to resist but yet again i failed.i storm out of my room,descend to the ground floor and head straight to a little gazebo beside the hostel.

alone,in the dark, i cried.i cried like i've never cried before.i cried as if i've lost my friends forever.it is really confusing for me to cry like that with no apparent reason.i text Awi,and she called.i cried on the phone telling her that i don't understand why am i crying.she said that maybe i am too homesick.but the whole time i was crying,it's not my parents that i think of,it's my college's classmates.which is very weird.do i really misses them that much?i guess i do.

to my dearest SM1K2P1 and all of my friends,please know that i am the kind of person that just immensely love each and everyone of you.i miss all the time i had during matriculation.the fun and joy that we had together.i didn't feel that same joy here in university as i did with you guys.i wish all the best in whatever field that you're pursuing.i'm gonna miss all of you now and forever.

my profile video

this video was entirely made by me but not for fun.i made it because my entire class are needed to make a video about ourselves.it's like rather than go to the front of class and introduce ourselves but in a video version.

so of course my video contain a little something about my family,friends and self.my journey of life from primary school,sk desa pandan,secondary school,smk cochrane perkasa and my lovely,most loving and cherish,selangor matriculation college..shout out to my ex-classmates SM1K2P1! love you guys to death!

uitm perlis

i am reluctantly step inside the registration room at my hostel,Cengal 3.and that was a week ago.and then there was the orientation week.it was fine,nothing much,not many ragging and none bullying,the only fun part was the aerobic exercise.we dance oppa gangnam style.we watched shadow play and theater played by the students,both of which my first time ever experience.

but honestly,i don't feel belong or yet comfortable here.it felt so different.i feel so awkward because i felt like the only one who is clueless of what's going on around because this campus are filled with diploma seniors.maybe after a month i will be able to except this new study environment because this is definitely out of my city boy comfort zone.there's no shopping complexes or cinemas around.not even mc donald.this is village.i guess i need to just suck all this up and just move on in this weird place.

but luckily i am not alone.Shamira,my friend from secondary school and Awi,both of which from the same matriculation college as i am is here also.plus,my primary school friend,Huda was here a year earlier as a diploma student.also,Faiz and Farid,my matriculation friends is in the neighborhood's university,unimap.i am not all alone here at least.

the ceremony to officially make us as the new degree students is some kind shocking and very technological (what am i saying?).the uitm web tv stream live from the main campus in Shah Alam.it was like the whole uitm students all around Malaysia was in the same hall.and the gimmick is quite good although predictable.

during the ceremony

but i miss matriculation life.i miss my friends.i miss the environment.last night i dream of Afiq,my matriculation roommate.miss him so much!

i guess i have to just continue living my life here and try to fit in.i felt like crying remembering the memories,viewing the pictures of my friends and classmates back in matriculation.if i could turn back time and lengthen it,i would.no doubt.

me while writing this post

  

  

the last salam

i ended my night shift around eight yesterday which was an hour late because of some reasons.i said goodbye to my colleague and started walking back home through the peaceful,breezy morning of my neighborhood.the weather seems happy.it was a bright and sunny day.as i stroll down the lane,holding a plastic bag containing a lunch box of last night's sahur meal,i saw a group of chinese lady's performing their tai chi,a dog digging a hole in the ground for some reason and some people exercising their way to a healthy life all happen in the playground.such a beautiful sight,such a lovely community.

as i reach home,i saw a friendly neighbor of mine watering her flowers on her lawn.a gentle women with her hijab down to her waist.our house are bordered by only one other house.a lady which i haven't spoke to for a long time.mainly because i was away for almost a year,studying in a matriculation college.when i was younger,she used to teach me to recite the al-Quran.what a lovely memory.so i greeted her.we chat for a while.she asked me where will i be heading for the next phase of my life.it will be the UiTM that i've got offered earlier this month.she congratulated me,and i thanked her.feeling a bit tired because of not sleeping for a whole night,i decided to return home and i ended our conversation with a simple salam.

i ended my night shift around nine this time around because i had to take an overtime for some reasons.i said goodbye to my colleague and started walking back home through a pretty hot morning of my neighborhood.it was too bright and too sunny.probably because it's already closing to noon.the script of my journey home had been altered a little.no activity in the playground as i expected because the day is getting hotter.as i approach home,i saw my neighbors gather in front of my house.i felt a bit worried because it seems like it's not a happy gathering.as i getting nearer,the crowd started leaving the scene.as i glad it's not my house they were at,i felt even more worried as it was actually the lady's house.my dad come to me and whisper the bad news.

i never thought yesterday's little chat was the last.but i'm glad i stopped and have that chat.and i also glad it is a day in the holy ramadhan month.a perfect day that everyone will envy to blow their last breath.and she did.she deserve this day.alhamdulillah

same self

as time goes by,as the year changes,as we age,we must admit that we are one step forward towards maturity.maturity in my definition can be best describe as being able to think and decide in anything that you face thoroughly in the best way you could to benefit yourself and other people around you that may be affected by that decision.

i don't know about others but i don't think i will ever be a mature person,until when i need to of course.i don't know why but sometimes i just can't help it but to make a fool of myself.for example,last year my late grandmother past away in my house because she's not well enough to take care of herself.and my whole family was so sad.but her time has come,no one can change that.i still misses her until today.and at her funeral,i remember it was a very sunny day.after the burial had done my aunt hand me an umbrella to hold for the imam to shade him.and so i open the umbrella upward because there are people all around but i didn't look up because it was just too shiny.i just push the umbrella open and i did wonder why is it taking so long?perhaps because it is long.and then 'puff'.the umbrella opened inversely.can you image the state of that umbrella?it was opened upward.and i was like..damn..why here?why now? and then slowly i pun the the umbrella down like an innocent person and just sit there quietly.and then after we got home my aunt decided to tell that incident and everyone burst into laughter.

yeah.i'm a clown inside.i will always be.even in the most inappropriate times.it's just in my nature.but in the bright side,everyone felt less sad about my grandmother's death.more or less,it did cure our feeling.

so i guess what i'm trying to say is that it is alright to be yourself.b

e the personality that is already in your dna.do not ever change if someone else say different.if people ask you to change ask them to change themselves first.change to accept,not object.you will most absolute regret if you didn't be who you are.be truth to yourself.you can't lie to yourself,it's like denying you have a soul.

i just turned 19 today and i pray for the same me for years to come :)

repeated history

it's been almost two weeks since i started my first ever job at a 7-eleven store near my home.the working environment is kinda fun and none stressful.all the staff is really nice and i feel relatively close to them.

long story short,last two days there's this one guy,one of the staff member which one year younger than me cause a havoc within our staff members.he was suppose to work at night shift which he did came.but an hour and a half after that he just walk out the store leaving behind all his stuff and his motorcycle.he did that after his girlfriend which also one of our staff member just went home after the end of the noon shift.and i was also worked at the noon shift that day.but i went home earlier than her.

no obvious reason for his action cause he never contact any of us even the boss.except for his girlfriend of course.and a rumor says that one of the few reason is me.in reference to the rumor,he get jealous of me being close to that girl,which is by the way the same age as him.i'm just being me,a nice person trying to be a decent friend to everyone.maybe he thought differently or maybe he's just an overly control boyfriend.

a similar situation i've encountered during high school but the only different is i never knew the boyfriend.one day,the boyfriend saw me and my friend which is his girlfriend walking together.i've known her since standard one.i consider her as one of my closest friend so,in my point of view,he's just being ridiculous to be jealous of me.and at the of the day,they broke up.what do you think that make me feel?a relationship wrecker?

but for this current situation,the boy and the girl is still a couple.except that i think that the boy will never come back to store cause a recent rumor i've heard is that he already found a job nearby.after all,i think they're gonna get married.a rather interesting story of how they met each other.the boy's mother ask the girl to work at the store cause i think the mother like the girl and would like them to be together.it is supported strongly by an incident occur at the store a couple of days before the boy started this drama which i don't think i should tell.cause it involve the mother.oops

in my opinion,this kind of dude really does not own self-esteem.he's not confident of himself that their relationship gonna last long and he do not trust his girlfriend to be around with other guys.i just think you're a loser.really,i thought we're friends.you are the first person i met and the first friend that i make the first time i set foot inside that store as a worker.this whole situation really upsetting me.a none proud history of mine repeated itself.